Hi, my name is J.P. and I'm an addict...

More like: "Spider-Man for J.P. No More!"

...to comic books that is. Seriously! What did you think I was going to say? But I am addicted to them and my friends won't deny that. Neither will my family. Or anyone that knows me. Well you get the point. If you read my post yesterday, then you know that I feel that comics are a big part of why I've been feeling blue these last couple of days. I thought it might help the healing process if I tried to rationalize and examine the reasons these $2.99 picture books are dampening my mood.

Exhibit #1: The collector
I'm a collector in the sense that I need to own them all! In fact, if Pokemon were real, you'd better believe I'd be out there trying to catch 'em all. I'd do whatever it takes to have a full collection, even if I had not intention of using half of them. The same went for comic books. If one series of a character came out, I'd feel the need to buy every series with that character. And don't even get me started on crossovers and checklists. I'm a sucker for them and for comics that share a similar banner at the top of the front cover that designate a connecting theme. It's this reason that led me to buying more and more comics.

Exhibit #2: The price
Although a comic book is not expensive ($2.99 or $3.99 for the average comic book), buying about 90-100 a month is. Even with finding websites online that offer amazing discounts (50%-75% each title), it was still coming to be around $200/month. That's just too much and whereas I have no problem spending that much on something I enjoy, being constantly reminded (e.g. my parents, my bills, etc.) that it's a big cost, it left me with a guilty feeling and one that overshadowed the joy that comics brought to me.

Exhibit #3: The feeling of urgency
If you're anything like me, then you believe that every comic is going to be that one comic that becomes incredibly rare. Even knowing that you have no intention of selling it, you fear that if you don't buy it now, you'll only be able to purchase it later at conventions or Ebay at a much higher price that cover price. Well that's how I felt. I'd get the monthly solicitation and start seeing all the upcoming titles and felt that urgency to ensure I bought each and every one that I was potentially interested in. While I did read all of the new ones that I bought, even ones I thought were sub-par, I'd continue to buy because I was afraid that as soon as I stopped, that's when it would pick up and be rare. So far I haven't been right one.

So with all of these well written (pat on the back) reasons, why would I ever collect comics? Let's now hear from the defense...

Exhibit #1: Escape
That feeling of, even temporarily, escaping from reality and just immersing yourself in a fictional world where you're a spectator. That's how I felt each time I opened up a comic book. It felt great to know there was a place you could go to after a hard and aggravating day of work. Or maybe somebody said something to you that just got on your nerves and you needed to unwind. Movies used to do that for me. Video games used to do that for me. But comics were very consistent in fulfilling this requirement.

Exhibit #2: Joy
There wasn't a greater feeling I got (aside from being with my fiancee...love you!!!) when that monthly box of comics came in and I started checking them off against the packing list. From there, I would organize them into the week that they came out, bag and board them, and eventually add them to my ever-growing list in Excel. I would update my checklists, continue reading a good storyline, and feel that I was on top of what was going on in the Marvel and DC universe (I could care less, with the exception of Walking Dead, for any other publisher). I loved seeing the artwork, having the story come to life in my head, and eagerly wait until the next issue. Plus it was nice to be able to talk to my one good friend about the stories and have that joy of dialogue.

I miss all of this. I can't seem to justify spending all that money anymore, especially when I know I'm about to be receiving a lot more expenses in the upcoming months and years. If I could, I'd love to be able to pay for everything, but I don't see myself striking oil or winning the lottery anytime soon. However I do have a plant and that plan does include a Masters degree and eventually a higher paying job. Then again, that could just mean that I have more money for savings and for a family at some point.

See where the vicious circle of fiscal responsibility comes into play?

Which Path to Take?



Yup. That's how I've been feeling.

 Well it sure has been awhile since I posted the last blog. Since that time, I've been busy with wedding planning, work, and anything in between really. What started as a fun side project just to entertain myself during the workday and hopefully to you readers, became a distant thought in recent weeks. I'm not sure what's going on in my head, but I think I've lost my way.

If you've been following my blog (please say you have), then you know all about my attitude towards my job, my recent job interview that did not go as planned, and just how I've felt in general. Well in truth, I'm not sure why I've been feeling down since a few days ago, but I can't seem to shake this attitude. Personally, I equate it to me quitting my comic book collection (oh I'm soooo cool) at the end of March. When I first quit, I didn't feel upset or even down about it. I figured it had taken up a lot of my time and money and it was good to part ways. But lately, I feel like the emotions I should have expressed 3 months ago are starting to surface.

Think of it as an addiction (sadly). You separate yourself from the one thing you love or need (or think you need), and you start to act outside of your character. I feel like the one thing/one hobby/one activity that I loved doing is gone and I can't understand why. It was a $200/month hobby and I couldn't afford it. Well, that's not true. I could afford it, but it would make my upcoming marriage a little difficult as that is $200/month that could be going towards bills, loans, and other necessities. So the logical choice was to give it up. Right?

Well I thought so too at first. I was gung-ho actually and happy to be free of this burden. I went back to video games I have accumulated over the last couple of years, starting catching up on anime (told you I was cool), and felt like I got some piece of my free time back. So why the sudden shift back into depression-like status? I'm not sure. I can't pinpoint what exactly started this downward spiral, but I have a few thoughts.

The first is all the summer superhero movies coming out. From Thor, X-Men, Green Lantern, and Captain America, it got me thinking about all the stories I had read about them and all of the stories I'd never get to see. Now before I go further, let me just explain: I understand that comics are not real and reading the stories that Marvel and DC publish is not a life necessity. But I can't justify why I feel I need to read them. Call it an addiction, obsession, or just love of the "escape from reality into a fictional world" mentality, I miss it. Especially with all of the comic book story lines coming out: Flashpoint, Fear Itself, Spider-Island, and so on. It was something to be a part of and I loved it.

Another reason includes my friends. See, one of my friends works at a comic book store and another friend just enjoys the genre. They have been seeing all the new blockbuster superhero movies coming out at the midnight showing. Sadly, because I have to get up early in the morning, I've been unable to attend and they refuse to wait a few hours until I can see it later the same day. I associate collecting and reading comics as a substitute for my friends, sadly enough. Comics don't let you down (at least the same way that your friends do when they honestly can't wait a few hours to see a movie). It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to hang out with them (and other reasons aside from my movie going example).

The third reason is life. Life is happening and I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I work at a job I don't particularly love and comics was my justification for working hard everyday. It was that past-time activity that I would do when I came home at 5:30 p.m. And for those who are about to get the wrong idea, my upcoming marriage. I'm stoked and thrilled to get married, but everyone needs a hobby to themselves. Comics was mine. Well before that it was games and before that it was movies. Which brings me to my fourth point.

Since I will be getting married, I've started selling my games and movies I've collected over the past decade. It's not even the fact that I'm getting practically nothing for them, but the fact that I'm getting rid of them. I feel like I'm getting rid of a piece of myself and for what reason? Because I don't have space? Because my parents don't want it in the house? Because any additional cash will be worth it in the upcoming months? Even with all those reasons, it's hard to part with something that you've invested a lot of time into.

Then of course is the job situation. I graduated with a bachelor's degree and with no experience. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but it's hard to get a job when you can't even meet the core requirements of an entry level position. Not to mention that your own company doesn't see the worth in promoting you or allowing you to gain experience in your field. If it was up to me, I'd just pack up and leave (and I mean that in general). I'd come home right now, pack up my stuff, take my money, and then start driving. I've been thinking about it for a long-time now and even though it won't happen, I've felt like I needed to go find myself to feel whole again.

But enough of that happy topic, har har....

I have been trying to be proactive in a few areas and those include: 1) sending a letter to a local university about their evening masters program that I hope to attend later this year/early next year. 2) with the aid of my fiancee, I am looking into possibly collaborating on some upcoming marketing projects at her current place of employment. 3) at my work, I have been working on shadowing co-workers in my field to gain some knowledge and experience.

While the process is slow, I am trying to rebound from this wave of negative emotions, but it's taking time. I seem to keep relapsing every so often so I'm not sure when and if I'll ever feel back to "normal".

So to thank you for reading this incredibly long blog (it really is long), make sure to check out the web comic strip that brings a smile to my face every morning. I now introduce you to: www.bugcomic.com

What am I doing?

I didn't get my "dream" job at my company. There were four other applicants and it's a safe guess that I ranked #3 or #4. I'm upset; I can't deny that. But through all the anger and emotions, I decided to take a look at a blog I've been too lazy to read as of late. The blog is Zen Habits and the link to the post I read is: http://zenhabits.net/38/.

So why am I posting now, a good month since my last one? It's because I need to get everything out and this is the best and most constructive way I can think of. I found out officially this morning that I did not get the position, after the HR rep left me a voice message saying she wanted me to call her to see how I thought the interviews went. I already knew the outcome, but when I called her back, it started with her explaining that they were going in a different direction. But let me back up a bit to when I really started to know...

I was Monday morning and my friend and co-worker informed me that she had been asked to go for a 3rd interview (she was also applying for the same job). When she asked me if I also got the e-mail, I did not and knew what that meant. Many people tried to rationalize that it could mean anything (they wanted more information from her, they wanted to be sure of her, blah blah blah). But I knew what it meant; she was moving on and I was done. Now I completely understand that no one is automatically supposed to give me a job just because I apply, but how else am I supposed to feel? Thankful I still have a job? Glad I tried out at least? Gotten more experience for interviewing? C'mon.

So I spent the remainder of Monday and most of Tuesday in a downhill spiral of emotions. Then on Tuesday afternoon, my friend told me that they asked her to interview with the 3rd person because the position was between her and one other person (an HR rep for the company) and it was up to this individual to make the final decision. Well let me just say my mood didn't improve in the slightest. All I could think about was how much I hated being where I was (take that anyway you want). I convinced myself I would stay home on Wednesday because I couldn't face coming into this place.

Well, I came home, unwound, and decided to come in today (also thanks to an email from my fiancee). But on my way here, all I could think about was how unfair I thought this was and did everything I could to keep my emotions in check. I was on the verge of tears, I was so mad in the face, and the last thing I wanted to do was walk into that building. And now you know the background information.

So I was reading this blog and it talked about what's important in life and how our views get skewed by so many factors. And it got me thinking that I don't even know what's important to me. All along I was convinced I needed a marketing job (and probably still do to a certain degree), but I've been wasting all this energy. I complain about not getting a job I want, but I don't apply anywhere except within my company. I complain about me not being in shape, but I don't even exercise when I have free time. I complained about not having any free time, but I really do. So what's the next step?

I need to seriously re-evaluate my priorities. I think I've been so obsessed over this goal that it makes no sense to be. Yes, it does make sense to want to strive for something, but just like with my comic collecting (which I've stopped), I became so absorbed that any negative change is like a blow to the head. So I'm not sure where I'm going from here. I don't want to make empty promises. And sadly I can't just get in my car and leave; too many responsibilities.

But I think it's time I take that first step towards change and see where I end up.

My tummy hurts!

It. Hurts. So Much. Darn. LIGHTNING BOLTS!!!

I woke up feeling pretty sick this morning. It was 5:20 a.m. and I felt like I was going to throw-up (eww gross, right?!). On top of that, I had some really bad chills to the point where I thought I was never going to stop shaking. I took two Pepto Bismol pills and voila, I'm at work. I'm not feeling 100% great, but I figured I was good enough to go to work. So that was my morning, how was yours? Haha.

But really folks, I came upon a self-realization this morning as I was thinking about my blog. Here I am complaining about my job (or just jobs in general) when there are so many who are unemployed in one form or another. Who wants to read about someone that has a job and can't appreciate? Not me, that's for sure. Yet, I still continue to write. I'm not sure of the real reason(s) behind it, but I'm past the point where "You should be thankful you have a job" has any real impact on me. I don't mean to sound cold, but it's the truth. Yes, I am very thankful I have a job and that's why I work hard when I'm there. That's why I give it my best from 8:30-5:00 p.m. M-F. But I'm still allowed to be unhappy.

I'm not in the job I want to do for the rest of my life, plain and simple. I know. You probably know. It's a fact. So just because I'm one of the lucky to have a place to come to everyday and get paid, doesn't mean that all my problems just drift away. They are still there and they are still evident. Now, does that mean I'm going to quit before getting into a position that I want? Heck no, geronimo (I just wanted to rhyme). But it does mean I'm still a realist to my current situation.

So where am I headed with this? I'm not really sure. Earlier this month I touched upon my 1-for-1 initiative. This was in regard to me applying to 1 job a day. Well surprise surprise, that didn't really happen. I don't know why I didn't follow through, but I did apply to one job. It's within my company and it's closer to the marketing path than where I am at now. I've followed up since sending out my resume and am just waiting to hear back if I will get an interview. I don't know what's to come, but I know I have to make more of an effort.

Anyone can tell you that when it comes to me and comics, I won't slack. And really it's the same with my job. But for some reason, applying has been a struggle. It could be that I've gotten disheartened about the lack of experience I have or the lack of flashy-ness my resume and cover letter lack, but I need to change. I have researched more effective documents to send for the applications and I have accepted that whatever skills I have, I have to showcase them.

So here goes *cough cough* (remember I'm sick?) nothing with the 1-for-1 Initiative v2!

Remember the Good 'Ol Days?!

Gotta catch 'em all...POKEMON!!!

I'm feeling nostalgic. It's nothing to new for me, but I've been thinking about the past more often recently than ever before. I'm not entirely sure why, but everyday there's some new old thought that pops up in my mind that may or may not have anything to do with what's going on in my life at that moment.

For example, I went out to eat yesterday with some friends and we started talking about Pokemon. The new game came out a few days ago and it made me think about 7th/8th grade when the very first game reached the U.S. shores. I started thinking about the actual game (pretty normal considering the topic), but then my mind started wandering to other events around that timeframe. And that's how it's been recently.

Whether it's when I'm waking up, sitting at work, driving home, or lying in bed, I can't help stopping to think about the past. Maybe it's because I'm feeling unhappy or in this "life slump" for a while. I'm not really sure what the cause is, but it's starting to drive me crazy. See, there's nothing wrong about thinking of past memories, but when it starts to really affect how you're feeling, that's when it's starting to take over my day.

So what to do about it? I can think about upcoming events (e.g. my wedding...w00t!), but sooner or later those older thoughts re-surface. It could be about a TV show, video games, what I used to do after school, who I used to hang out with, my hobbies, or anything under the sun. I'm not saying that I want to forget my experiences that have led me to this point in time, but I can't seem to get a handle on them.

I have friends who could care less about the present, let alone the past. I have others who simply acknowledge that what once was is done and there's no point thinking about it. For those of you who know me (and probably the ones reading this), know me a little too well to know that I'm more than just a "simply" nostalgic kind of guy. I could have a whole dinner conversation on it (which I'm sure I have before) and sometimes it's fun to talk about the glory days.

Other times, when I'm left to my own thoughts, it's a little disheartening to remember these events and then realize where I am in my life. Sure, a lot of things are going really good for me, but the ones that aren't are the ones that my nostalgic feeds upon. In conclusion (ah the elementary school years), I'm not going to publicly post this one on facebook, so we'll see who actually reads this. As always, I'm not sure where I was headed with this post (or rant if you will), but I needed to get it out there.

Just another thought to come back to later down the road.

The 1-For-1 Initiative!

If you say so smiley face....if you say...

Why do we write blogs? Is it to just share with the world what we're thinking or do some of us hope that our words have an impact on those reading them? It's a mixture of both for me, but I write because it makes me feel better. What good is (mind) bottling your emotions and thoughts inside of your head and let them fester? Don't you think it's better to get it off your chest and what better way than a blog!

So that's the topic for today: Emotions. We all have them and we all don't always want them. Sometimes you'd believe that it'd be easier to not feel anything than go through the roller coaster of feelings. I mean, there's nothing wrong with feelings, but when they start to overpower you and control your day, that's when I draw the line. So needless to say, I've had a lot of thoughts lately. Work, life, saving, blah blah blah. It's always the same song and dance routine, but one that just doesn't go away. I think that, "Hey, if I pay off my school loan, I'll feel better" or "Maybe today is the day I'll be pro-active and send out my resume", but that's wishful thinking. I still have 6.5 years to pay off my loan at a large amount each month and by the time I get home from work, I'm too exhausted to spend my last few free hours of the day applying to jobs.

Maybe (this is in regard to job hunting) it's the feeling that I've gotten rejected so many times or the fact that I have little experience in my field of interest, but I've gotten to that safety zone. That zone where what I do everyday may not be great (and even downright depressing), but it's something I'm used to and can do with little difficulty. But that's not where I want to be in life. I see hard working people (my age) and just wonder what I could have done differently up to this point or even change moving forward.

So that's my goal for the month of March. It's time to stop dreaming of change and to start making it happen. So for that, I'm instituting the "1-for-1" program. Simply speaking, I'm going to apply for 1 job everyday this month. I've already failed at doing this yesterday and there's a good chance I'm not going to do it tonight, but on Thursday, I will apply to 3 jobs. From that point forward, it will be 1 application a day. This may not lead to anything right away, but I have a much better chance than just going to my job everyday and hoping something comes along (without any input from me).

Strange enough, I'm already starting to feel better. I guess that just happens sometimes when you finally get what was bothering you out into the open. But sadly that's not all of my woes. There are other issues I (feel) I am dealing with and I'm trying to work on them. Some of them are short term and some may be longer than I like. But I can't keeping going on the way I've been. It's not healthy for me or for those around me; they don't deserve it.

I want to be happy, plain and simple. And I think I can achieve that with a little hard work. I've always been a firm believer that we have the power to change our attitude (even though I do believe in destiny and what's meant to happen will happen). But when you come home at the end of a work day (Monday through Friday) and the only thing you want to do is just be alone in your room, that's when I know I've hit my breaking point. I'm not going to whine about my past anymore (or at least try to) and be jealous of those who have it better than me. I may not be where I thought I would end up at this point in my life when I was younger, but it doesn't mean it's unobtainable. It might just be a while until I'm caught up.

So that's it from me for today. It's also the reason I haven't posted in a while. My blogs might not be in a chronological reading order where each (or any) of them matter, but they do to me. For that reason, I want to make sure each one is substantial and has a specific purpose in mind.

So thank you for reading and I'll keep you updated on my 1-for-1 job hunting initiative!

Extra! Extra! It's the Afternoon!

He's serious about that "EXTRA!"...and you should be too!

This last leg of the day can either go very fast or dreadfully slow. I'm not sure why (aside from my work is caught up and I'm just staring at the clock), but it always goes slower the day before you have off. That's right readers! Yours truly is taking a vacation day tomorrow to go on a 3 day weekend road trip with his fiancee to Maryland. I'll be happy to speak more about my trip once I return, but let's get back to the topic at hand: The Afternoon.

You've returned from lunch, gotten your second (or third, fourth, or fifth) cup of coffee, and nothing is helping to make the time go by faster. You're not allowed to surf the web (speaking of which, why are you reading this right now while you're at work?) and your doodling is barely above a 2-year old. So what better way to pass the time than to write about it, right?

One fun activity I've indulged myself in is looking at the internal job board. Just moments ago, I spoke with a product manager about a new position that would report directly under her and suffice it to say, I feel more disheartened than when I knew little about it. I was hoping this would be an opportunity to shine and finally start to develop my marketing experience, but all it entails is still answering the phone and eventually moving into an outside sales position.

Random Thought: It's 3:33 p.m. as I'm writing this. Make a wish. :End random thought.

So is your day moving faster now that you have something to read? Maybe a little. That's the goal; to make it to 5:00 p.m.. But even after I leave, I still have errands to do before my trip. Oil change, tire rotation, packing, wrapping, and getting gas. I'm in the final stretch and I'm also starving. Did I mention that? I went out for lunch today and got 2 slices of pizza and a root beer. I thought that would be enough to quench my appetite, but I'm starving. I'm looking forward to coming home and finishing my other half of the sub I got yesterday. Plus some popcorn. Ok, I thought I was done with the random thoughts, but it seems this is what keeps me going.

I hope whoever is reading this has managed to kill a few minutes of their day and I hope this helps speed up the rest of the afternoon. Also, I hope you have a great weekend. A big storm is coming so stay dry and make the best of it.

Mmmm...bologna sandwich!