9 left...

The world looks different in your shoes. But it goes both ways too.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I've always thought of myself as an empathetic person who is there to listen to a friend in need. Yet recently, I don't think that's been the case. Case in point: The Fiancee. We've been arguing about this and that (some my fault, some hers, and some our families), but I'm having a hard time walking in her shoes when it comes to understanding the situation. Is it me?

What's weird is that I am fully aware of how I am (re)acting toward her when these discussions turn to confrontations. I don't plan on being specific (that's between her and I), but there comes a point where one side says "you just have to accept things as they are". Do I though? Since when do I have to compromise who I am just for the sake of "accepting". Why can't we change the status quo? Why can't the fact that we're getting married trump everything else? Is it naive to think that or am I the one that needs to change?

With 9 days left, I can't go into this marriage with resentment. Or anger. Or an apathetic mindset. I want to look forward to what's to come and welcome it. But as the days get closer, it's starting to get more and more harder.

I know I'm far from perfect and as much as it might not seem, I am trying to change. I am trying to be more sympathetic and empathetic toward her predicament (with me or anyone else in her life). My goal is to not just dismiss her feelings or make them invalid. But I don't know why I can't. I don't know why I keep blaming her for other people. I do have some theories. One is that she's ok with how things are and even though they bother me, that's not enough to stir some feathers. Regardless if anything changes, it would just be nice to know that I have someone in my corner. None of this "it's not about you" rationale. Of course, as I'm writing this, I understand that this makes no sense to the reader and just as much sense to me, haha.

Again, this is therapy for me to get my feelings out on a website, but the underlying issues are still there. They don't disappear when I hit "publish post" or when I come home today. We go to bed more angry than sleepy nowadays and that's a very bad sign of things to come. There is a saying she says and that's: It's better to be happy than right. I can agree with that up to a point, but not always. Sometimes you need to be right and sometimes you have to address the sore issues in our relationship. Yes, they are going to stir up ill feelings and strong emotions, but how else do you grow? How do you begin to move forward from issues that have been around almost as long as our relationship?

You say to not bring them up 9 days before the wedding, but what about when I brought them up a month into the relationship? Or 6 months? Or 2 years? At no time was it the right time and I can't accept that.

So maybe I can't change as quickly as I want. But I will continue to try and I will continue to be a better person than I was yesterday. I make a lot of mistakes and I say the wrong thing more times than I want to admit. But I'm human and I'm a curious being. I need to have logical reasons to questions and understand situations without just being ok with them.

There may only be 9 days left to the wedding, but we've got a lot of days ahead of us.

10 days to go...

"Broken Glass = Mazel Tov!"

Wow! Has it really been since June 16th that I last posted a blog? Well time sure has escaped me. I guess one reason for that would be...I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! Yet even with only 10 days until the big day (which I am really looking forward to), I can't help but notice that I tend to only post when I'm not in the happiest of moods.

Maybe it's because writing out how you're feeling is a good way to get over your troubles, but I feel like a blog is the best medium to express your thoughts. That is the reason people blog, right? But anyway, my wedding! Over a year and a half in the making and we're now days away. There are still things left to do: finalize the cake details, print out the place cards, programs, pick up the tux, and on and on. It seems like my goal of being done by September, then being down by October, has failed me. When I thought I was making progress, I realized I wasn't going as fast as I should be. I blame myself (for some of it).

Then, when I finally get a whole weekend with no plans other to work on wedding stuff, what happens? A record breaking snowstorm in October comes along, knocks out the power, electricity, and heat in my apartment, and prevents me from doing any work. Really?! So we finally get heat back last night and electricity the day before then and it's back to work. My ideal situation is to be done with everything by this weekend.

Of course I'm still waiting for the caterer and photographer to get back to me to iron out the rest of the details for that, but I am just so stressed. It's normal I think. It's a big milestone in my life and I'm looking forward to marrying my fiancee. I just don't think all of this was necessary. Whereas she wanted a small wedding, I was the hopeless romantic who needed everyone to share our day with the lavish food, live music, etc. Along the way, we had friends/family members get married and once we spoke to them, their one word was "e-l-o-p-e". We chuckled, thinking they were kidding, but they weren't. And we aren't either. I would much rather have just done a very small wedding, go out to dinner, and then off to the honeymoon.

I'm not sure if any of you have gotten married, but I don't need parents telling us 1-2 weeks before the day that the cake is ugly or the chairs are hideous. I don't need the florist telling us that they are going to charge $100-$200 just to add a few flowers to our cake, when we are already giving them an enormous amount of money. I also don't need parents not being for the wedding and not helping out as they should. Not to mention maids of honors who just seem to cause more trouble and more stress than their title should allow.

The truth is that this has not been a pleasant experience for me. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the big day because I'm getting married or because I will "hopefully" never have to plan something this big with so many people involved. The honeymoon will be great, but it is getting to that point that I'm dreading. Arguments with the parentals leads to arguments with the engaged couple and nobody wins at that point. So what to do?

Simple: Write a blog. Hope it gets read. If not, then it's something to look back on after all is said and done.

Oy vey, was this a pain in the tuchus!