Back to School, Again.

Yes, I even entered the school via a musical number.



My last post was in January and after reading through it, I realized that I had talked about going for my Masters. As funny as that is, I am actually now in a Masters program. This happened back in May when I finally hit my wall of regret and discontent and decided to go pursue an MBA. The first step was the G.M.A.T. and let me tell you, I wasn't good at the S.A.T. back in high school and I wasn't very good at the G.M.A.T. back in June. Regardless, I got a 520 and my preferred school only required an average of 500. Check one.

The second part was applying to a graduate school and thankfully I had a strong resume, application, and letters of references. So it was just a matter of submitting and waiting, but after 3-4 weeks, I got my letter of acceptance! I was now an MSU-inite? So fast forward to September and I've already begun my first two classes (Accounting for Managers and Achieving Competitive Advantages) and have successfully sat through over 4 classes. For those who don't know, I had anxiety attacks back in my undergraduate which resulted in me having to drop out. Just being able to sit in the classroom is a big achievement on my part and I'm finally starting to get over a fear that has crippled me (in a few ways) for the last 7 years.

I actually enjoy the program and there are perks associated with it. First, I got an iPAD 2...and I LOVE it! Secondly, the structure is a cohort style, meaning that I will be with the same 30 people for the next two years. For me, it relieves a lot of stress of having to deal with new people and since I've already told them about my anxiety, I don't have to keep retelling people every new class. The program is two years and even though I'll graduate with an MBA at the end of the summer of 2014, I will still be in school for a few more classes. The reason is because I am also pursuing a double concentration in both Marketing and Management.

While I'm excited to finally start taking steps to help me get into marketing, I am missing my free time. No comics, no hanging out, and very little TV. However, I have made a decision to quit these hobbies for the next two years so I can concentrate on my classes and getting a good grade. But, I feel I should stress that I am not looking to get a 4.0 (although I do welcome it). One thing I did with my undergraduate through Phoenix was I studied just hard and long enough to write my papers or take exams. Once the class was over, I took all that information out of my head. This time around, the grade is coming second to me. I want to retain the knowledge I learn and could care less between a B or an A, as long as I understand the material.

On the personal side, I'm approaching my 1-year wedding anniversary (how nuts is that?! and love you wifey!) and yeah....that's about it. I hope to post more moving forward, but we'll see how that works out. Homework comes first :-D

Do you want to work for an insurance company?

What can I say? I've been working out...and losing my hair?

Neither do I! Yet, when I put my resume out on the web, the insurance companies are the first ones to respond back to me. "We think you'd be great" or "We have a wonderful opportunity for you". Sure, your resume states you want marketing and nowhere did it even imply you would want more customer service, but that's what you're gonna get!

Is it just me or is it incredibly hard to find a potential job that meets your goals? I have been looking a little more aggressively for a marketing job. This could be market research, market analyst, media marketing, anything! Yet, all I keep getting calls about are customer service jobs. I mean, I can't really blame the employer who sees my customer service oriented resume and decides that I might be a good fit. I don't take it as an insult, but it is very disheartening to think that you're not good at anything other than customer service. And for those in the field, this is not a jab at you; it's just I want to finally move away from that position and more into the marketing community in which I got a degree in.

Aside from my lack of success on the applying end, there were some interesting changes at my current job. The first being my manager just quitting/getting fired last Thursday. That was a little bit of a shock, but I did see it coming. She had been complaining about her job and hinting at the notion that she was looking elsewhere. For those reasons, I'm not really sure what went down, but I did hear that she threw her I.D. badge at HR and made a scene as she left the building.

On the home front, we've started writing our thank-you cards for the wedding and I've been getting back into anime (again, I'm cool. Remember?). I've caught up on Bleach, Fairy Tale, and Naruto. I've just finished Deadman Wonderland which was pretty good, but got weird at the end. I've also started Prince of Tennis at the very beginning and I am currently on episode 14. In terms of comics, I haven't really been reading as much and wondering if I should quit again or just keep collecting and read them as I get a chance. I tend to read 5 comics during lunch a day, but that's not always a guarantee. I'm about 2 months behind with no chances of catching back up.

To finish this oh-so-riveting post, I've got my father-in-law's b-day party this coming Sunday, my friend's b-day party/Superbowl party next Sunday, and not a whole lot in between. And oh! I forgot to mention, but I just started back up with the gym and am proud to say that I still remember how to run and use a treadmill. So go me, right?

Finally, I have been thinking about going back to school again for a Masters. This is something that's been on my mind for the longest time, but I'm still not sure which way to go. I keep hearing that online just doesn't count , but it's very convenient for me who works full time. Either way, I also don't know if I want to continue with marketing or just enter a new field altogether. It's not like I'm really doing much with marketing as it is and maybe need to find something more specialized. My wife is a librarian, so I was thinking of pursuing a career as a gym teacher.

That's right...drop and give me 20!

9 left...

The world looks different in your shoes. But it goes both ways too.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I've always thought of myself as an empathetic person who is there to listen to a friend in need. Yet recently, I don't think that's been the case. Case in point: The Fiancee. We've been arguing about this and that (some my fault, some hers, and some our families), but I'm having a hard time walking in her shoes when it comes to understanding the situation. Is it me?

What's weird is that I am fully aware of how I am (re)acting toward her when these discussions turn to confrontations. I don't plan on being specific (that's between her and I), but there comes a point where one side says "you just have to accept things as they are". Do I though? Since when do I have to compromise who I am just for the sake of "accepting". Why can't we change the status quo? Why can't the fact that we're getting married trump everything else? Is it naive to think that or am I the one that needs to change?

With 9 days left, I can't go into this marriage with resentment. Or anger. Or an apathetic mindset. I want to look forward to what's to come and welcome it. But as the days get closer, it's starting to get more and more harder.

I know I'm far from perfect and as much as it might not seem, I am trying to change. I am trying to be more sympathetic and empathetic toward her predicament (with me or anyone else in her life). My goal is to not just dismiss her feelings or make them invalid. But I don't know why I can't. I don't know why I keep blaming her for other people. I do have some theories. One is that she's ok with how things are and even though they bother me, that's not enough to stir some feathers. Regardless if anything changes, it would just be nice to know that I have someone in my corner. None of this "it's not about you" rationale. Of course, as I'm writing this, I understand that this makes no sense to the reader and just as much sense to me, haha.

Again, this is therapy for me to get my feelings out on a website, but the underlying issues are still there. They don't disappear when I hit "publish post" or when I come home today. We go to bed more angry than sleepy nowadays and that's a very bad sign of things to come. There is a saying she says and that's: It's better to be happy than right. I can agree with that up to a point, but not always. Sometimes you need to be right and sometimes you have to address the sore issues in our relationship. Yes, they are going to stir up ill feelings and strong emotions, but how else do you grow? How do you begin to move forward from issues that have been around almost as long as our relationship?

You say to not bring them up 9 days before the wedding, but what about when I brought them up a month into the relationship? Or 6 months? Or 2 years? At no time was it the right time and I can't accept that.

So maybe I can't change as quickly as I want. But I will continue to try and I will continue to be a better person than I was yesterday. I make a lot of mistakes and I say the wrong thing more times than I want to admit. But I'm human and I'm a curious being. I need to have logical reasons to questions and understand situations without just being ok with them.

There may only be 9 days left to the wedding, but we've got a lot of days ahead of us.

10 days to go...

"Broken Glass = Mazel Tov!"

Wow! Has it really been since June 16th that I last posted a blog? Well time sure has escaped me. I guess one reason for that would be...I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! Yet even with only 10 days until the big day (which I am really looking forward to), I can't help but notice that I tend to only post when I'm not in the happiest of moods.

Maybe it's because writing out how you're feeling is a good way to get over your troubles, but I feel like a blog is the best medium to express your thoughts. That is the reason people blog, right? But anyway, my wedding! Over a year and a half in the making and we're now days away. There are still things left to do: finalize the cake details, print out the place cards, programs, pick up the tux, and on and on. It seems like my goal of being done by September, then being down by October, has failed me. When I thought I was making progress, I realized I wasn't going as fast as I should be. I blame myself (for some of it).

Then, when I finally get a whole weekend with no plans other to work on wedding stuff, what happens? A record breaking snowstorm in October comes along, knocks out the power, electricity, and heat in my apartment, and prevents me from doing any work. Really?! So we finally get heat back last night and electricity the day before then and it's back to work. My ideal situation is to be done with everything by this weekend.

Of course I'm still waiting for the caterer and photographer to get back to me to iron out the rest of the details for that, but I am just so stressed. It's normal I think. It's a big milestone in my life and I'm looking forward to marrying my fiancee. I just don't think all of this was necessary. Whereas she wanted a small wedding, I was the hopeless romantic who needed everyone to share our day with the lavish food, live music, etc. Along the way, we had friends/family members get married and once we spoke to them, their one word was "e-l-o-p-e". We chuckled, thinking they were kidding, but they weren't. And we aren't either. I would much rather have just done a very small wedding, go out to dinner, and then off to the honeymoon.

I'm not sure if any of you have gotten married, but I don't need parents telling us 1-2 weeks before the day that the cake is ugly or the chairs are hideous. I don't need the florist telling us that they are going to charge $100-$200 just to add a few flowers to our cake, when we are already giving them an enormous amount of money. I also don't need parents not being for the wedding and not helping out as they should. Not to mention maids of honors who just seem to cause more trouble and more stress than their title should allow.

The truth is that this has not been a pleasant experience for me. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the big day because I'm getting married or because I will "hopefully" never have to plan something this big with so many people involved. The honeymoon will be great, but it is getting to that point that I'm dreading. Arguments with the parentals leads to arguments with the engaged couple and nobody wins at that point. So what to do?

Simple: Write a blog. Hope it gets read. If not, then it's something to look back on after all is said and done.

Oy vey, was this a pain in the tuchus!

Hi, my name is J.P. and I'm an addict...

More like: "Spider-Man for J.P. No More!"

...to comic books that is. Seriously! What did you think I was going to say? But I am addicted to them and my friends won't deny that. Neither will my family. Or anyone that knows me. Well you get the point. If you read my post yesterday, then you know that I feel that comics are a big part of why I've been feeling blue these last couple of days. I thought it might help the healing process if I tried to rationalize and examine the reasons these $2.99 picture books are dampening my mood.

Exhibit #1: The collector
I'm a collector in the sense that I need to own them all! In fact, if Pokemon were real, you'd better believe I'd be out there trying to catch 'em all. I'd do whatever it takes to have a full collection, even if I had not intention of using half of them. The same went for comic books. If one series of a character came out, I'd feel the need to buy every series with that character. And don't even get me started on crossovers and checklists. I'm a sucker for them and for comics that share a similar banner at the top of the front cover that designate a connecting theme. It's this reason that led me to buying more and more comics.

Exhibit #2: The price
Although a comic book is not expensive ($2.99 or $3.99 for the average comic book), buying about 90-100 a month is. Even with finding websites online that offer amazing discounts (50%-75% each title), it was still coming to be around $200/month. That's just too much and whereas I have no problem spending that much on something I enjoy, being constantly reminded (e.g. my parents, my bills, etc.) that it's a big cost, it left me with a guilty feeling and one that overshadowed the joy that comics brought to me.

Exhibit #3: The feeling of urgency
If you're anything like me, then you believe that every comic is going to be that one comic that becomes incredibly rare. Even knowing that you have no intention of selling it, you fear that if you don't buy it now, you'll only be able to purchase it later at conventions or Ebay at a much higher price that cover price. Well that's how I felt. I'd get the monthly solicitation and start seeing all the upcoming titles and felt that urgency to ensure I bought each and every one that I was potentially interested in. While I did read all of the new ones that I bought, even ones I thought were sub-par, I'd continue to buy because I was afraid that as soon as I stopped, that's when it would pick up and be rare. So far I haven't been right one.

So with all of these well written (pat on the back) reasons, why would I ever collect comics? Let's now hear from the defense...

Exhibit #1: Escape
That feeling of, even temporarily, escaping from reality and just immersing yourself in a fictional world where you're a spectator. That's how I felt each time I opened up a comic book. It felt great to know there was a place you could go to after a hard and aggravating day of work. Or maybe somebody said something to you that just got on your nerves and you needed to unwind. Movies used to do that for me. Video games used to do that for me. But comics were very consistent in fulfilling this requirement.

Exhibit #2: Joy
There wasn't a greater feeling I got (aside from being with my fiancee...love you!!!) when that monthly box of comics came in and I started checking them off against the packing list. From there, I would organize them into the week that they came out, bag and board them, and eventually add them to my ever-growing list in Excel. I would update my checklists, continue reading a good storyline, and feel that I was on top of what was going on in the Marvel and DC universe (I could care less, with the exception of Walking Dead, for any other publisher). I loved seeing the artwork, having the story come to life in my head, and eagerly wait until the next issue. Plus it was nice to be able to talk to my one good friend about the stories and have that joy of dialogue.

I miss all of this. I can't seem to justify spending all that money anymore, especially when I know I'm about to be receiving a lot more expenses in the upcoming months and years. If I could, I'd love to be able to pay for everything, but I don't see myself striking oil or winning the lottery anytime soon. However I do have a plant and that plan does include a Masters degree and eventually a higher paying job. Then again, that could just mean that I have more money for savings and for a family at some point.

See where the vicious circle of fiscal responsibility comes into play?

Which Path to Take?



Yup. That's how I've been feeling.

 Well it sure has been awhile since I posted the last blog. Since that time, I've been busy with wedding planning, work, and anything in between really. What started as a fun side project just to entertain myself during the workday and hopefully to you readers, became a distant thought in recent weeks. I'm not sure what's going on in my head, but I think I've lost my way.

If you've been following my blog (please say you have), then you know all about my attitude towards my job, my recent job interview that did not go as planned, and just how I've felt in general. Well in truth, I'm not sure why I've been feeling down since a few days ago, but I can't seem to shake this attitude. Personally, I equate it to me quitting my comic book collection (oh I'm soooo cool) at the end of March. When I first quit, I didn't feel upset or even down about it. I figured it had taken up a lot of my time and money and it was good to part ways. But lately, I feel like the emotions I should have expressed 3 months ago are starting to surface.

Think of it as an addiction (sadly). You separate yourself from the one thing you love or need (or think you need), and you start to act outside of your character. I feel like the one thing/one hobby/one activity that I loved doing is gone and I can't understand why. It was a $200/month hobby and I couldn't afford it. Well, that's not true. I could afford it, but it would make my upcoming marriage a little difficult as that is $200/month that could be going towards bills, loans, and other necessities. So the logical choice was to give it up. Right?

Well I thought so too at first. I was gung-ho actually and happy to be free of this burden. I went back to video games I have accumulated over the last couple of years, starting catching up on anime (told you I was cool), and felt like I got some piece of my free time back. So why the sudden shift back into depression-like status? I'm not sure. I can't pinpoint what exactly started this downward spiral, but I have a few thoughts.

The first is all the summer superhero movies coming out. From Thor, X-Men, Green Lantern, and Captain America, it got me thinking about all the stories I had read about them and all of the stories I'd never get to see. Now before I go further, let me just explain: I understand that comics are not real and reading the stories that Marvel and DC publish is not a life necessity. But I can't justify why I feel I need to read them. Call it an addiction, obsession, or just love of the "escape from reality into a fictional world" mentality, I miss it. Especially with all of the comic book story lines coming out: Flashpoint, Fear Itself, Spider-Island, and so on. It was something to be a part of and I loved it.

Another reason includes my friends. See, one of my friends works at a comic book store and another friend just enjoys the genre. They have been seeing all the new blockbuster superhero movies coming out at the midnight showing. Sadly, because I have to get up early in the morning, I've been unable to attend and they refuse to wait a few hours until I can see it later the same day. I associate collecting and reading comics as a substitute for my friends, sadly enough. Comics don't let you down (at least the same way that your friends do when they honestly can't wait a few hours to see a movie). It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to hang out with them (and other reasons aside from my movie going example).

The third reason is life. Life is happening and I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I work at a job I don't particularly love and comics was my justification for working hard everyday. It was that past-time activity that I would do when I came home at 5:30 p.m. And for those who are about to get the wrong idea, my upcoming marriage. I'm stoked and thrilled to get married, but everyone needs a hobby to themselves. Comics was mine. Well before that it was games and before that it was movies. Which brings me to my fourth point.

Since I will be getting married, I've started selling my games and movies I've collected over the past decade. It's not even the fact that I'm getting practically nothing for them, but the fact that I'm getting rid of them. I feel like I'm getting rid of a piece of myself and for what reason? Because I don't have space? Because my parents don't want it in the house? Because any additional cash will be worth it in the upcoming months? Even with all those reasons, it's hard to part with something that you've invested a lot of time into.

Then of course is the job situation. I graduated with a bachelor's degree and with no experience. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but it's hard to get a job when you can't even meet the core requirements of an entry level position. Not to mention that your own company doesn't see the worth in promoting you or allowing you to gain experience in your field. If it was up to me, I'd just pack up and leave (and I mean that in general). I'd come home right now, pack up my stuff, take my money, and then start driving. I've been thinking about it for a long-time now and even though it won't happen, I've felt like I needed to go find myself to feel whole again.

But enough of that happy topic, har har....

I have been trying to be proactive in a few areas and those include: 1) sending a letter to a local university about their evening masters program that I hope to attend later this year/early next year. 2) with the aid of my fiancee, I am looking into possibly collaborating on some upcoming marketing projects at her current place of employment. 3) at my work, I have been working on shadowing co-workers in my field to gain some knowledge and experience.

While the process is slow, I am trying to rebound from this wave of negative emotions, but it's taking time. I seem to keep relapsing every so often so I'm not sure when and if I'll ever feel back to "normal".

So to thank you for reading this incredibly long blog (it really is long), make sure to check out the web comic strip that brings a smile to my face every morning. I now introduce you to: www.bugcomic.com

What am I doing?

I didn't get my "dream" job at my company. There were four other applicants and it's a safe guess that I ranked #3 or #4. I'm upset; I can't deny that. But through all the anger and emotions, I decided to take a look at a blog I've been too lazy to read as of late. The blog is Zen Habits and the link to the post I read is: http://zenhabits.net/38/.

So why am I posting now, a good month since my last one? It's because I need to get everything out and this is the best and most constructive way I can think of. I found out officially this morning that I did not get the position, after the HR rep left me a voice message saying she wanted me to call her to see how I thought the interviews went. I already knew the outcome, but when I called her back, it started with her explaining that they were going in a different direction. But let me back up a bit to when I really started to know...

I was Monday morning and my friend and co-worker informed me that she had been asked to go for a 3rd interview (she was also applying for the same job). When she asked me if I also got the e-mail, I did not and knew what that meant. Many people tried to rationalize that it could mean anything (they wanted more information from her, they wanted to be sure of her, blah blah blah). But I knew what it meant; she was moving on and I was done. Now I completely understand that no one is automatically supposed to give me a job just because I apply, but how else am I supposed to feel? Thankful I still have a job? Glad I tried out at least? Gotten more experience for interviewing? C'mon.

So I spent the remainder of Monday and most of Tuesday in a downhill spiral of emotions. Then on Tuesday afternoon, my friend told me that they asked her to interview with the 3rd person because the position was between her and one other person (an HR rep for the company) and it was up to this individual to make the final decision. Well let me just say my mood didn't improve in the slightest. All I could think about was how much I hated being where I was (take that anyway you want). I convinced myself I would stay home on Wednesday because I couldn't face coming into this place.

Well, I came home, unwound, and decided to come in today (also thanks to an email from my fiancee). But on my way here, all I could think about was how unfair I thought this was and did everything I could to keep my emotions in check. I was on the verge of tears, I was so mad in the face, and the last thing I wanted to do was walk into that building. And now you know the background information.

So I was reading this blog and it talked about what's important in life and how our views get skewed by so many factors. And it got me thinking that I don't even know what's important to me. All along I was convinced I needed a marketing job (and probably still do to a certain degree), but I've been wasting all this energy. I complain about not getting a job I want, but I don't apply anywhere except within my company. I complain about me not being in shape, but I don't even exercise when I have free time. I complained about not having any free time, but I really do. So what's the next step?

I need to seriously re-evaluate my priorities. I think I've been so obsessed over this goal that it makes no sense to be. Yes, it does make sense to want to strive for something, but just like with my comic collecting (which I've stopped), I became so absorbed that any negative change is like a blow to the head. So I'm not sure where I'm going from here. I don't want to make empty promises. And sadly I can't just get in my car and leave; too many responsibilities.

But I think it's time I take that first step towards change and see where I end up.